Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I Want Bigger Boobs!


OK, I actually don't want bigger breasts. I don't think the girl in the picture does either, but those are what real ones look like. According to outside sources, mine are big enough. So because of that, apparently I don't have the right to oppose breast implants. BULLSHIT! Everyone has things about their bodies that don't like. I have these curves on my thighs that I hate and can't get rid of even with exercise. Fake breasts don't come with the hassles of real ones either. Real ones are not all perky and they don't stand up by themselves. Sometimes, when they're too big, women have to get them reduced because of the back troubles they cause. And it's hard to wear all those cute little spaghetti strap dresses and shirts without a bra, unless you want your boobs hanging down to your waist.

So why the sudden outrage on breast implants! I always have the outrage about breast implants and other purely aesthetic plastic surgery. But (and I'm about a week or two behind) silicone implants are back and everyone is throwing a party! Woohoo, they look and feel more natural and apparently they don't leak any more! So the prediction is that breast implants are going to get even more popular. More reason for every girl to go out and get some! So the FDA had to spend a bunch of time (and my money) studying these babies so that women who want bigger breasts can have ones that have a more natural look and feel. Guess what? Putting silicone in your body (or botulism in your face, for that matter) is not natural.
It's time for everyone to get over themselves and their bodies and put an end to this plastic surgery industry!

So, I think, even though I have decent-sized breasts, I CAN and WILL say that it's wrong to undergo major surgery just for your looks. I'm not just talking about breasts, but they're the most obvious change. It's also wrong to get a nose-job because it's a little crooked, or to get calf and pec implants, MEN! I'm not a man and I know that it's pure vanity. That's what allows me to comment on all these procedures.
No matter what excuses one uses (society, your partner, the opposite sex in general, your career, etc.), it all comes down to one thing in the end: VANITY!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Tax Dollars Going to Stupid Ceremonies

So I'm back from my Thanksgiving hiatus. I LOVE Thanksgiving! It is my favorite holiday. So I prepped all week for the feasting we did with Mr. & Mrs. Little Kenny. Mrs. Little Kenny was a big help in getting the meal completed and she sparked the conversation about the stupid pardoned turkeys. I had never paid attention to this tradition before and did not know that the President has pardoned turkeys every year since 1939.

What a waste of money! First, they make all the hubbub about the turkeys, pull them from the production line, do a press conference and then the turkeys fly First Class from Washington to LA to be in Disneyland's parade. After all this, they live the rest of their "natural" lives at Disneyland. How much does Disneyland charge the government for this honor, I wonder? They're not just doing it for the publicity; they're a bloodthirsty corporation. What's even the point of this tradition? We EAT turkey on Thanksgiving? Why would we let two of them live to hang out at Disneyland? Is that our little humane act on a day when millions of turkeys are eaten around the country? And then PETA wants even more humane treatment of the two spared turkeys, so that they can have more "mental stimulation". Do turkeys have a mind to stimulate? And PETA should just be happy that no one is eating those two turkeys!

Whatever, the whole issue seems stupid to me. Plus, it's a meaningless tradition. There's no conclusive evidence as to when and why this tradition even started. We should put a stop to it before next Thanksgiving. I'm going to start looking into how I can do that.


We pardoned a turkey by eating a cow and it was delicious!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Now Michael REALLY Loves Me


I MADE CHEESE!! I'm so excited. I just finished my first cheese today. It's a soft herb goat milk cheese. It looks like cheese, smells like cheese and it even tastes like cheese. Wow, I just can't believe the it worked! I can't wait to eat it!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Poor Bambi




So I'm listening to the Adam Corolla Show this morning and hear a story about a 20-year old guy that had sex with a dead deer he found on the side of the road. Since I usually don't listen to the show, I thought that it was a joke story. NO JOKE!
It gets better. The guy's lawyer is trying to get him off (I had to) by saying that the law prohibits sex with an animal and this guy had sex with a carcass. I love this lawyer. Way to think outside of the box! And then the story gets better. This guy has a prior conviction of shooting his horse in order to have sex with it! SICK!
Is it really that hard to get laid? Is having sex with a smelly, dead animal really that much better than going without?
Oh, I'd hate to be this guy's sister or parent. Or his ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, assuming he's ever had one. How do you ever explain that?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Crazy Underwear


So I'm flipping through a magazine and come across an add for Onederwear. It's DISPOSABLE UNDERWEAR! At first, I thought, "why do you want to throw away your underwear?" Like I'm soooo busy that I don't have time to wash my underwear. What about the rest of my dirty clothes? Should I just throw those away too?
So I dove into their website and they do have some legitimate uses... such as when you go to a spa or if you're backpacking through Europe. Or what if you get in an accident and they have to rip your clothes apart? You can worry about dying and not about the doctors tearing your expensive Victoria Secrets! HA!
So, I'm still wondering why is my underwear getting soooo dirty that I don't want to put it with my other dirty clothes when I'm traveling or camping or all their other "usage" ideas. It's not like my underwear is huge and takes up a bunch of room. I don't know, but I'm going to try them out and everyone is getting a package for Christmas!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Meep Meep!


So not all of the new wildlife I've encountered since I've moved to Arizona has been scary. I had a roadrunner in my backyard! It was very exciting for me, much better than the dead rabbit in my front yard.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Damn Political Signs!

The thing that I HATE about election day... all the campaign signs left standing after election day. Who's going to take these down? When will they take them down? They've already been trashing up my streets for MONTHS! I hate them. They'll probably get left out and they will turn into litter on the side of the road.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Voting with Crazy People

Arizona has the longest ballot ever. But I like to be an informed voter, so I go online to read about the millions of propositions on the Arizona ballot. It's a pretty nice website and saves paper by not printing what would be a huge book to list all the proposed laws texts, the legal analysis and "for" and "against" arguments. Now it's this last part proves the most entertaining and irritating all at the same time. I was reading the arguments for Proposition 201 which is a smoking ban. I already decided to vote for it, but was reading the arguments to see if there were any compelling reasons to change my vote. Surprisingly, I found a reason under the "for" arguments. This crazy guy writes the following,

BAN, BABY, BAN! Attention Voters of Arizona: What right does anyone have to pollute my air and make me smell stinky? If I don't like something, I am going to do everything within my power to get rid of it. That's the power of a Government Ban. I don't like the smell from smoke, except smoked salmon cooking on my barbeque. I should not have to smell smoke and that's why I am all for a government ban. In fact, I think it should be illegal for people to smoke in their cars. We should have the government issue "DWS" tickets and make people pay huge fines. Publicity, and fighting for a person's right to smoke makes it harder for us who are trying to rid our society of other bad things such as alcohol, tobacco, and worse, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, and Hydrogenated oils. I think this is the appropriate step in our march towards a cleaner, healthier society. Next stop, we can start targeting the other vendors and citizens using things that are bad for us:
Caffeine
Fast Food
NutraSweet
America is made up of a bunch of addicted fatties. We need the government to step in and help us get back on the right track. Just like parents step in when their children are out of control, the government needs to slap America's hand out of the cookie jar. Anyone who smokes should be ashamed of themselves. Your days are numbered. It is time to destinkify the air we breathe. Join me in supporting a total Government Ban.
Bob Roberts, Scottsdale

So this guy is either insane or using satire to convince those reading the "for" arguments to vote against the proposition. It think he's crazy. I considered for just a moment changing my vote so that I didn't side with this crazy person! But then thought that either way, crazy man or satirist, this yahoo isn't going to change my vote. So I'm all for freedom of speech, but when it comes to official voting arguments, I think that the state should censor that freedom and not publish the rantings of a lunatic.

Hello, that's why we have blogs!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

What's With Outrageously Expensive Jeans?

So I've need some new jeans for a while, but didn't want to go shopping for them because you have to try on a million pairs to get the right ones. I've always, as in since childhood, bought Levi's. In fact, until about 2 years ago I always bought men's Levis. I decided to branch out to get some cute jeans. So I go into a couple different stores that sell jeans. Now these are regular mall stores, not some shooshy boutiques. The jeans cost $158, $185, $250!!! What the hell? They don't even come in different lengths! I expected them to be lined in gold but they weren't. So tell me, how is it that denim pants can cost over $100? I already came to terms with the fact that they can cost over $50 when I bought my first girlie Levi's. But COME ON, they're just jeans!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Not So Amazing Race

If you don't watch the show, don't bother reading this because it will bore you and make no sense; but you're a fool for not watching it.

So I finally caught up on 2 weeks of the Amazing Race. I usually LOVE this show, but this time it's keeping the weakest and stupidest (I'm sure that's not a word) players. I say "keeping" because at the end of Sunday night's episode, the couple from Kentucky who could possibly be the worst players ever came in last for the second time in 3 weeks. The first time, they were not eliminated and the Cho brothers and a super easy Fast Forward helped them get to first place. And then when I watched last night, they came in last again and again were NOT eliminated! What the hell?? These people are terrible. They can hardly do anything physical, they can hardly do anything mental and the show's producers want to keep them on for some reason. They're boring and stupid. They should be eliminated!

Sexy Sexy Vegas


So we went to Vegas for Halloween. And just like I thought, 90% of the women were in sexy costumes. I'd say only about 10% of those tried the squeeze-play. I was let down a bit though because the costumes lost their variety. Last year both girls and boys were dressed up in all sorts of fun and creative costumes with the sexy ones mixed in among them. This year with all the sexy costumes their were hardly any creative ones from the ladies. There were girls who came out in just their sexy underwear and some high heels! They didn't even put the effort into being a sexy cop, nurse or tool-girl. But it was still fun to see all the guys in our group become drooling fools as they were inundated with all the sex. They don't call it Sin City for nothin'!

Here are some pix.