I'll take a Royale with Cheese

So I saw this article the other day, To Woo Europeans, McDonald’s Goes Upscale. It's about how McDonald's is changing their look to lure customers into its European restaurants. They're making them over to look more upscale and adding useful luxuries, "to attract more young adults and professionals ... the chain is also adding amenities like Internet access and rental iPods." (Even their websites are cooler.)

Also, they say they use local products so as not to upset the farmers like they did in France:

"[McDonald's] experienced opposition to American corporations firsthand in 1999 when Jose Bové, the firebrand leader of a French farmers union, organized a bulldozing of a McDonald’s restaurant to protest the spread of American “hegemony.”
Mr. Hennequin reacted with a large advertising campaign promoting the American chain’s use of local produce and its creation of local jobs. McDonald’s not only organized open-door days for customers to come see its kitchens, but also invited customers to make a trip to its suppliers."

Apparently, we Americans are creatures of habit and and too stupid to deserve anything more than the clown colors and flourescent lights. Although, McDonald's has put healthier items on their menus due to the lawsuits, movies like McLibel and Super Size Me (even though they deny it) and, of course, due to the all mighty dollar.

Let Americans learn something from those Europeans:
if we don't buy it, they'll change it.

10 Reasons Not to Have Kids (Now 12)

So it seems like everyone I know is having babies right now. Must be that old biological clock ticking. Congrats to all of you!

Anyway, in honor of all those babies, I finally decided to post my Top 10 Reasons Not to Have Kids. Now, I know that people mean well, but when I tell them that I don't want kids EVER, some get that sad look of disbelief and tell me that it's different when you have your own kids. My usual response, "what if it's not different and I lock the kid in a closet because he/she is driving me crazy; will you be there to help?" That usually ends the conversation.

So I think I'll just make a business card with a link to this list on it and hand it to people when they ask me, "Why don't you want to have kids; you seem to like them?"

1. They suck the life out of you.
   
2. Can't drink for 9 months. (Plus more, if I breast feed)
   
3. You're on the hook for at least 18 years.
   
4. You can't just leave them at home with food when you go on vacation.
   
5. They bleed.
   
6. They vomit.
   
7. They shit.
   
8. They break your stuff.
   
9. They are very expensive.
   
10. All the body changes and pain that go with pregnancy and giving birth. (The next time a GUY asks me why I don't want kids, I'm gonna sock him!)
    
11. They can have you committed when you get old.
    
12. You'll have to take them to the hospital for something terrible.
    

Oh, wait, that's now 12 reasons. Too bad.

Pool Fools

So we just got back from Cabo, Mexico. We stayed at Cabo Pulmo and Westin Los Cabos. The former was pure relaxation beach bliss! The latter was luxury and magnificent beach views and, of course, idiot hotel guests. The title of KING AND QUEEN IDIOT goes to the couple pictured below.

As you can see, these FOOLS brought an inflatable pool for their baby. When I was down at the pool I saw the father get a hotel employee to help him partially fill the pool with water from the beach shower and then carry it back up to a flight of stairs to his pool chairs. So with that being the first offense, here are the rest:

1. They took up 3 prime lounge chairs next to the kiddie pool where other parents with kids might actually want to sit to watch their kids that are ACTUALLY IN THE POOL.

2. The whole time I watched them from poolside to up on our balcony (where I voyeuristically photographed them) and throughout a game of Scrabble, the baby was never in the inflatable pool.

3. There is a large 1 foot deep pool one flight up the stairs from where these fools set up their stupid inflatable pool.

4. As seen in the last picture (not a very good one), they took over a fourth chair for their lounging pleasure.

STUPID POOL HOGS!!!

Bunnies for Kitties... to EAT

So I'm reading the paper and SMACK, I come across this headline:

How Do Cats LikeRabbits? Very Much, Raw

I couldn't believe it. Cat owners buy raw bunnies for their pets to eat? I just thought cat (and dog) food was made from whatever is left over from human food. Apparently, that is the case with canned and dry food according to the article. That is the reason these people buy raw bunnies for their cats to eat. They say that it is a more natural diet for these predatory cats. Yeah, all those lovely, furry house cats that never go outside still have the need to eat raw meat. I don't think so and neither does PETA, of course. I had to find someone to back up my side even if they're crazy; they want to convince people that Jesus was a vegetarian...hello, loaves and fishes and he cruised around with a bunch of fishermen.

I'm not a vegetarian. I eat everything, all meats with glee. But I'm a human. So, despite what PETA says (yes, I am using them on both sides of my argument), it's OK for me to eat other animals. But I don't think it's OK to raise one pet for another pet to eat. I know that they sell rats and crickets for snakes and lizards to eat. But honestly, there are enough rats around that they will inherit the earth along with the roaches and all the insects when humans die off. And then think of all the starving people in the world who would love to eat some tasty rabbit. They're being wasted by being sold off as pet food!

Here's the question:

Would it be OK if they raised cats for dogs to eat?
I'm sure dogs would like the taste of cat.

People would be FURIOUS. I even got squeamish when I checked out this site on how to eat a cat. (DO NOT CLICK on that link if you LOVE cats!) There's even a vegetarian in the article who serves her cats raw meat. How can she justify killing another animal so feed her wonderful pet? If she wants to feed their natural instincts, then she should let them go out and HUNT!

Should've Gotten Life Without Parole

So I'm reading the Across the USA section from USAToday. This happens to be my favorite part about staying in hotels. I would never actually buy USAToday, but I love to read it, especially all the blurbs from across the nation.

Anyway, I come across a good one from Rhode Island. Some 65 year old murderer got released last year from 33 years in jail and is now in custody as the prime suspect in a home invasion killing that took place last week. OOPS!

He was sent to prison for murdering his best friend. Since he didn't have any major violations while he was in prison, they decided to parole him. After I read this account of his encounters with police (just punching a one of them in a coffee shop because he didn't like cops) and then his power player status while in prison, I was pretty sure that he didn't sound like a guy you'd want living next door.

"By the time he was 21, Bishop was getting arrested about once a month -
larceny, burglary, assault. He had a penchant for attacking people. "

The house he broke into last month was just a few doors down from his ex-wife. Perhaps a little killing to get him in the mood to hook up...

Fast Food Nation Sucks

OK, I know this movie came out last year, but I just saw Fast Food Nation and it SUCKS! I was dubious when I had seen the previews for the movie because it was a work of fiction whereas the book written by Eric Schlosser is a really good hunk of research and intriguing nonfiction about the history, growth and impact of the fast food industry. I thought that with the right elements and style, it could still be a good movie. I was terribly wrong.

So instead of making a documentary or even a documentary style drama, the writers/creators decided to throw out the book and just keep the name. One of those writers was Schlosser. What kind of jerk is he? Here he is thinking,

"I'll just use the famous title of my great book and then put out a piece of character driven schlock to show what a great screenwriter that I can be."

Oh and he tosses in some big names to make sure to attract an audience. COME ON! Ethan Hawke playing an anti-establishment, between jobs, but still hot dude. Hmmm, where have I seen that before? Oh yeah, Reality Bites!

So I move onto the movie's problems. First of all, it's about 3 main stories: illegal immigrants go to meat packing plants, teenage fast food workers and a deer-in-the-lights marketing guy from a fake fast food place. All these stories have serious flaws and none have a point in the end.

1. Illegals serious flaw: They work in a meat packing plant. It's the cleanest factory that I've ever seen. Apparently, the film crew was able to work in a real plant that only processes about 1/10 of the cows than the big plants on which they were commenting. There was no blood on the floor and everyone's uniforms were sparkling white. The one injury they showed of a guy falling into a machine while cleaning it, just played like a dangerous job accident, rather than malicious negligence on the part of the plant.

2. The teenage fast food worker: None of them ate the food. One girl had some ice-tea drink, but that was it. Usually they eat the food and everyday. Also, there were never any others but teenagers working in the fast food restaurant. Even since I was a teenager, I don't remember the seeing only teenagers working fast food; maybe that still happens at In'N'Out. You have your old people, the middle-aged manager types, the people who can't speak English except for the menu items... Un estrawberry Chake, un fry, un amburger. I love hearing that in the drive-thru!

3. Fast food marketing dude: Can't believe there's shit in the meat. Eats at the fast food place everyday that he's visiting the meat plant town even though he knows there's shit in the meat. Why would the company send a marketing guy to find out why there is shit in the meat at the packing plant? Hello, they wouldn't. And then he just disappears halfway through the movie and his story is over without any sort of report to the company.

4. The butchering scene: It's at the very end that you see a cow go from alive to carved up. Well the cow dies the first time they get him with the electric hammer (apparently that doesn't always happen). There wasn't much blood. It looked very clean and efficient. If you're not a vegetarian, you really shouldn't be grossed out by this anymore then seeing someone get dismembered in a horror movie.

5. All the missing components: The fast food industry has changed the way all there ingredients are produced just by the shear volume of market share that they have. The conditions in a plant are dangerous because the line moves too fast for the workers in order to keep up with the demand of the consumers. The fast food industry shapes the way a major percentage of America eats while contributing significantly to obesity (I didn't see one morbidly obese person in the fast food place in the movie, set in some fake town in Colorado). Working in a fast food place sucks.

Usually, I'm not so ramped up about book to movie adaptations, because they are different media and it's hard to always stay true to the book in a movie. But this was a book that had an important message that the movie could have brought to a broader audience and Schlosser squandered that opportunity for his own vanity.

There's so much more.

READ THE BOOK. SCREW THE MOVIE.

Oh and this was a freebie from Blockbuster. That presents the issue of saying to myself, "hey it's free, I'll give it a chance." I'll need to stop myself from following that impulse, because it led me to this movie along with Black Snake Moan. Don't waste your time on that one either unless you want to see Christina Ricci half naked for 2/3 of the movie. Actually if just you want to do that, just go to the good ole reliable internet.

Is That a Submarine in Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

So I'm reading this article in the NY Times about this guy, Duke Riley, who built a submarine out of plywood to do a performance art piece in homage to the supposed wooden submarine called the Turtle used during the American Revolution. So Duke gets a couple of his buddies in an inflatable to tow him towards the Queen Mary 2 which was docked in some NY harbor. Of course, this raises suspicion and the NY Police boat is called out.

Immediately they were investigating a possible terrorist threat. What happened to good old criminals and looneys? Why does everything have to be a terrorist-related now-a-days? Why can't they just be investigating because there could be some lunatic dude trying to too close to a cruise ship? Even the onlookers who were videotaped for the article said that Duke should have expected the police to think he's a terrorist. But look at this thing! If that's the work of a terrorist, we should be more afraid FOR him, than OF him.

The government has sure gotten what they wanted. Make everyone so fearful that they don't care what the police do if it's in the name of averting terror. Just a couple weeks ago when that old steam pipe blew up in the subways, witnesses said their first reaction was to think it was a terror attack. How many actual terrorist attacks have we had on American soil over the last 50 years? They number less than 5. Have we become Brazil?
Job Well Done, US Government!