Asshole Bartender

So Michael and I went to check out a brewpub in south Scottsdale called Papago Brewing. The draft selection is decently varied, but it's the stock in the coolers that really sets this place apart. You can buy anything from the cooler to drink onsite or to take home and there have to be over two hundred selections. They had of our favorites, Rogue's Ten Thousand Brew Ale, that is quite hard to find because it was a limited brew. While we were drinking our draft beers (I was drinking a Palm Rodenbach and Michael had a Rogue Imperial Stout) Michael asked the bartender how much the Ten Thousands were and he said that they were $15 and he didn't really like them. Who asked him?! So when we finished our beers, we plucked five 26-ounce bottles of Ten Thousand from the cooler (their entire cold stock). The bartender prices one and comes back to tell us that they are actually $21 each. Michael says, "Okay, I still want them." The bartender asks if we were going to drink them or give them away. So Michael tells him that we're going to do both.
So then the bartender says, "Oh, I think it's a lousy beer."
Oh my gosh! Again, who asked for his opinion? No one! Clearly, we've stated we like the beer and we've just purchased 5 big bottles. We're both fairly avid beer drinkers who have tried a variety of beers numbering at least one hundred over our lifetime combined and don't need the opinion of some dopey bartender in a strip mall brewery telling us that one of our favorite beers from one of our favorite breweries is lousy. Asshole.

Will You Audition to Be My Friend

So I was just flipping around the TV, literally moments ago, and I stopped on My Super Sweet 16 on MTV. I always give this show a few minutes when I find it. The ridiculous premise is that 16-year olds of the rich and famous plan these completely over-the-top parties that cost more than most people's weddings. It's highly entertaining to watch the parents give their kids whatever they want and to watch the sad people that organize the parties take orders from these bratty kids. Two things that every show has in common is that the 16-year old always gets a car, usually costing at least $50K, and they always want to perform at their party. Most of them have no talent and no personality; it is highly amusing to watch the other kids fall over themselves just to be part of the whole spectacle.

So this particular episode totally crossed a line that I had not yet witnessed. The terrible 16-year old made her actual friends audition to be VIPs at her party! Who would audition to be someone's friend? Sad teenagers with low self esteem. I had hope for two of her friends that refuse to audition.

But then, they asked, "Can we still come to the party?"

Going Down Under in Phoenix

So I got this coupon, yes coupon, in the mail for vaginal reconstruction. I usually get coupons for window cleaners, airport shuttles, exterminators etc. OK so the doctors who sent out this coupon call there procedures the Aussie Makeover because they involve your "down under" region. I almost fell over laughing. Vagina plastic surgery at a deal! How can I resist using this coupon? It says it will help my self esteem (like that's where my self esteem lies) and I can save $100!


Are there women actually out there that stupid that are going to make use of this coupon? You bet!

Man vs Motel

So the BBC News had this story Grylls series 'to be transparent' about the show Man vs Wild, which is on the Discovery Channel. The show appears to be similar to another Discovery Channel show, Survivorman, in which the host is stranded in some wilderness situation and then left to his own devices to get back to civilization. That is where the similarities end. On Survivorman, Les Stroud carries all his own camera equipment and is completely alone. On Man vs Wild, Bear Grylls clearly has at least one cameraman with him. But that's not the problem that was brought up in the article. As you watch the show, you're led to believe that Bear is actually going through the whole process of survival as Les does on his show. This belief would be supported if read the show's website:

"In each episode of Man vs. Wild Bear strands himself in popular wilderness destinations where tourists often find themselves lost or in danger. As he finds his way back to civilization, he demonstrates local survival techniques..."

But according to the BBC story, sometimes Bear has scenes and survival tools (like rafts) set up for him and he stays in motels during the filming! Also, he's got a whole crew with him, not just the one cameraman. The Discovery Channel apologizes for misleading viewers and says that the show is not a documentary. It's meant to show scenarios of what to do to survive. Aside from the fact that he isn't really surviving, I've seen him take some unnecessary risks that I think the average person wouldn't be able to do or shouldn't do when trying to survive. In just one show, I saw him scale sheer cliffs for about 30 feet up from the ocean's shore, then climb about 15 feet down banyan trees into a ravine and then eat some honey straight from a bee hive. Now the last one doesn't sound that bad, but he slathered honey all around his mouth and it was all over his hands and then in the next scene he was nice and clean. So honey is sticky and attracts a lot of bugs. I'm thinking if you're in a rainforest situation, getting honey all over yourself then sleeping on the ground can't be the best idea. There's no sink in which to wash yourself.

Anyway, Bear's show is totally bogus. If you want to see a true survivor, watch Survivorman. Les is intense, doesn't take crazy risks for the sake of a good photo op and is totally hardcore!

I'll take a Royale with Cheese

So I saw this article the other day, To Woo Europeans, McDonald’s Goes Upscale. It's about how McDonald's is changing their look to lure customers into its European restaurants. They're making them over to look more upscale and adding useful luxuries, "to attract more young adults and professionals ... the chain is also adding amenities like Internet access and rental iPods." (Even their websites are cooler.)

Also, they say they use local products so as not to upset the farmers like they did in France:

"[McDonald's] experienced opposition to American corporations firsthand in 1999 when Jose Bové, the firebrand leader of a French farmers union, organized a bulldozing of a McDonald’s restaurant to protest the spread of American “hegemony.”
Mr. Hennequin reacted with a large advertising campaign promoting the American chain’s use of local produce and its creation of local jobs. McDonald’s not only organized open-door days for customers to come see its kitchens, but also invited customers to make a trip to its suppliers."

Apparently, we Americans are creatures of habit and and too stupid to deserve anything more than the clown colors and flourescent lights. Although, McDonald's has put healthier items on their menus due to the lawsuits, movies like McLibel and Super Size Me (even though they deny it) and, of course, due to the all mighty dollar.

Let Americans learn something from those Europeans:
if we don't buy it, they'll change it.

10 Reasons Not to Have Kids (Now 12)

So it seems like everyone I know is having babies right now. Must be that old biological clock ticking. Congrats to all of you!

Anyway, in honor of all those babies, I finally decided to post my Top 10 Reasons Not to Have Kids. Now, I know that people mean well, but when I tell them that I don't want kids EVER, some get that sad look of disbelief and tell me that it's different when you have your own kids. My usual response, "what if it's not different and I lock the kid in a closet because he/she is driving me crazy; will you be there to help?" That usually ends the conversation.

So I think I'll just make a business card with a link to this list on it and hand it to people when they ask me, "Why don't you want to have kids; you seem to like them?"

1. They suck the life out of you.
   
2. Can't drink for 9 months. (Plus more, if I breast feed)
   
3. You're on the hook for at least 18 years.
   
4. You can't just leave them at home with food when you go on vacation.
   
5. They bleed.
   
6. They vomit.
   
7. They shit.
   
8. They break your stuff.
   
9. They are very expensive.
   
10. All the body changes and pain that go with pregnancy and giving birth. (The next time a GUY asks me why I don't want kids, I'm gonna sock him!)
    
11. They can have you committed when you get old.
    
12. You'll have to take them to the hospital for something terrible.
    

Oh, wait, that's now 12 reasons. Too bad.

Pool Fools

So we just got back from Cabo, Mexico. We stayed at Cabo Pulmo and Westin Los Cabos. The former was pure relaxation beach bliss! The latter was luxury and magnificent beach views and, of course, idiot hotel guests. The title of KING AND QUEEN IDIOT goes to the couple pictured below.

As you can see, these FOOLS brought an inflatable pool for their baby. When I was down at the pool I saw the father get a hotel employee to help him partially fill the pool with water from the beach shower and then carry it back up to a flight of stairs to his pool chairs. So with that being the first offense, here are the rest:

1. They took up 3 prime lounge chairs next to the kiddie pool where other parents with kids might actually want to sit to watch their kids that are ACTUALLY IN THE POOL.

2. The whole time I watched them from poolside to up on our balcony (where I voyeuristically photographed them) and throughout a game of Scrabble, the baby was never in the inflatable pool.

3. There is a large 1 foot deep pool one flight up the stairs from where these fools set up their stupid inflatable pool.

4. As seen in the last picture (not a very good one), they took over a fourth chair for their lounging pleasure.

STUPID POOL HOGS!!!

Bunnies for Kitties... to EAT

So I'm reading the paper and SMACK, I come across this headline:

How Do Cats LikeRabbits? Very Much, Raw

I couldn't believe it. Cat owners buy raw bunnies for their pets to eat? I just thought cat (and dog) food was made from whatever is left over from human food. Apparently, that is the case with canned and dry food according to the article. That is the reason these people buy raw bunnies for their cats to eat. They say that it is a more natural diet for these predatory cats. Yeah, all those lovely, furry house cats that never go outside still have the need to eat raw meat. I don't think so and neither does PETA, of course. I had to find someone to back up my side even if they're crazy; they want to convince people that Jesus was a vegetarian...hello, loaves and fishes and he cruised around with a bunch of fishermen.

I'm not a vegetarian. I eat everything, all meats with glee. But I'm a human. So, despite what PETA says (yes, I am using them on both sides of my argument), it's OK for me to eat other animals. But I don't think it's OK to raise one pet for another pet to eat. I know that they sell rats and crickets for snakes and lizards to eat. But honestly, there are enough rats around that they will inherit the earth along with the roaches and all the insects when humans die off. And then think of all the starving people in the world who would love to eat some tasty rabbit. They're being wasted by being sold off as pet food!

Here's the question:

Would it be OK if they raised cats for dogs to eat?
I'm sure dogs would like the taste of cat.

People would be FURIOUS. I even got squeamish when I checked out this site on how to eat a cat. (DO NOT CLICK on that link if you LOVE cats!) There's even a vegetarian in the article who serves her cats raw meat. How can she justify killing another animal so feed her wonderful pet? If she wants to feed their natural instincts, then she should let them go out and HUNT!

Should've Gotten Life Without Parole

So I'm reading the Across the USA section from USAToday. This happens to be my favorite part about staying in hotels. I would never actually buy USAToday, but I love to read it, especially all the blurbs from across the nation.

Anyway, I come across a good one from Rhode Island. Some 65 year old murderer got released last year from 33 years in jail and is now in custody as the prime suspect in a home invasion killing that took place last week. OOPS!

He was sent to prison for murdering his best friend. Since he didn't have any major violations while he was in prison, they decided to parole him. After I read this account of his encounters with police (just punching a one of them in a coffee shop because he didn't like cops) and then his power player status while in prison, I was pretty sure that he didn't sound like a guy you'd want living next door.

"By the time he was 21, Bishop was getting arrested about once a month -
larceny, burglary, assault. He had a penchant for attacking people. "

The house he broke into last month was just a few doors down from his ex-wife. Perhaps a little killing to get him in the mood to hook up...

Fast Food Nation Sucks

OK, I know this movie came out last year, but I just saw Fast Food Nation and it SUCKS! I was dubious when I had seen the previews for the movie because it was a work of fiction whereas the book written by Eric Schlosser is a really good hunk of research and intriguing nonfiction about the history, growth and impact of the fast food industry. I thought that with the right elements and style, it could still be a good movie. I was terribly wrong.

So instead of making a documentary or even a documentary style drama, the writers/creators decided to throw out the book and just keep the name. One of those writers was Schlosser. What kind of jerk is he? Here he is thinking,

"I'll just use the famous title of my great book and then put out a piece of character driven schlock to show what a great screenwriter that I can be."

Oh and he tosses in some big names to make sure to attract an audience. COME ON! Ethan Hawke playing an anti-establishment, between jobs, but still hot dude. Hmmm, where have I seen that before? Oh yeah, Reality Bites!

So I move onto the movie's problems. First of all, it's about 3 main stories: illegal immigrants go to meat packing plants, teenage fast food workers and a deer-in-the-lights marketing guy from a fake fast food place. All these stories have serious flaws and none have a point in the end.

1. Illegals serious flaw: They work in a meat packing plant. It's the cleanest factory that I've ever seen. Apparently, the film crew was able to work in a real plant that only processes about 1/10 of the cows than the big plants on which they were commenting. There was no blood on the floor and everyone's uniforms were sparkling white. The one injury they showed of a guy falling into a machine while cleaning it, just played like a dangerous job accident, rather than malicious negligence on the part of the plant.

2. The teenage fast food worker: None of them ate the food. One girl had some ice-tea drink, but that was it. Usually they eat the food and everyday. Also, there were never any others but teenagers working in the fast food restaurant. Even since I was a teenager, I don't remember the seeing only teenagers working fast food; maybe that still happens at In'N'Out. You have your old people, the middle-aged manager types, the people who can't speak English except for the menu items... Un estrawberry Chake, un fry, un amburger. I love hearing that in the drive-thru!

3. Fast food marketing dude: Can't believe there's shit in the meat. Eats at the fast food place everyday that he's visiting the meat plant town even though he knows there's shit in the meat. Why would the company send a marketing guy to find out why there is shit in the meat at the packing plant? Hello, they wouldn't. And then he just disappears halfway through the movie and his story is over without any sort of report to the company.

4. The butchering scene: It's at the very end that you see a cow go from alive to carved up. Well the cow dies the first time they get him with the electric hammer (apparently that doesn't always happen). There wasn't much blood. It looked very clean and efficient. If you're not a vegetarian, you really shouldn't be grossed out by this anymore then seeing someone get dismembered in a horror movie.

5. All the missing components: The fast food industry has changed the way all there ingredients are produced just by the shear volume of market share that they have. The conditions in a plant are dangerous because the line moves too fast for the workers in order to keep up with the demand of the consumers. The fast food industry shapes the way a major percentage of America eats while contributing significantly to obesity (I didn't see one morbidly obese person in the fast food place in the movie, set in some fake town in Colorado). Working in a fast food place sucks.

Usually, I'm not so ramped up about book to movie adaptations, because they are different media and it's hard to always stay true to the book in a movie. But this was a book that had an important message that the movie could have brought to a broader audience and Schlosser squandered that opportunity for his own vanity.

There's so much more.

READ THE BOOK. SCREW THE MOVIE.

Oh and this was a freebie from Blockbuster. That presents the issue of saying to myself, "hey it's free, I'll give it a chance." I'll need to stop myself from following that impulse, because it led me to this movie along with Black Snake Moan. Don't waste your time on that one either unless you want to see Christina Ricci half naked for 2/3 of the movie. Actually if just you want to do that, just go to the good ole reliable internet.

Is That a Submarine in Your Pants, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

So I'm reading this article in the NY Times about this guy, Duke Riley, who built a submarine out of plywood to do a performance art piece in homage to the supposed wooden submarine called the Turtle used during the American Revolution. So Duke gets a couple of his buddies in an inflatable to tow him towards the Queen Mary 2 which was docked in some NY harbor. Of course, this raises suspicion and the NY Police boat is called out.

Immediately they were investigating a possible terrorist threat. What happened to good old criminals and looneys? Why does everything have to be a terrorist-related now-a-days? Why can't they just be investigating because there could be some lunatic dude trying to too close to a cruise ship? Even the onlookers who were videotaped for the article said that Duke should have expected the police to think he's a terrorist. But look at this thing! If that's the work of a terrorist, we should be more afraid FOR him, than OF him.

The government has sure gotten what they wanted. Make everyone so fearful that they don't care what the police do if it's in the name of averting terror. Just a couple weeks ago when that old steam pipe blew up in the subways, witnesses said their first reaction was to think it was a terror attack. How many actual terrorist attacks have we had on American soil over the last 50 years? They number less than 5. Have we become Brazil?
Job Well Done, US Government!

Writers Block...Sort Of

So Mrs. Little Kenny pointed out to me yesterday that I am seriously lagging on posts. I've had a lot to rant about, but have been in a funk about actually putting it "on paper" so to speak. So I vow to come back fresh and renewed from the Oregon Brewers Fest that I'm going up to this weekend.

BEER, BEER, LOTS OF BEER!!!

In the meantime, laugh at this picture; I do everytime that I look at it. Can't get enough of it.

Stupid High School Students

So I'm going to sound like an total old lady, but what is up with high school students thinking they have a bunch of rights? Recently, I have heard two stories in the news about high school students protesting policies or actions taken by their schools. And then the stupid schools are condoning the students' protests. These students believe that the schools are violating their rights. I've got a message for you:

You're in high school. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS!

So the first story is from Washington and involves security cameras that a principal used to catch a high school girl kissing her girlfriend and then turning the tape over to her parents. The father had requested that the school keep an eye on his daughter because he suspected she was a lesbian which goes against his religion. Now I don't think it's the principal's job to watch the kissing habits of his students or for one parent to ask for special attention given to his daughter. So the issue was that the other girl believes that it was an invasion of her privacy to show the tape to the crazy parents and that they believe it wouldn't have been shown if she had been kissing a boy. I bet the principal would have done it anyway. But here's the kicker: they were kissing in the cafeteria. Invasion of privacy? The cafeteria? COME On!

So the second story involves students here in Arizona. One of the local school districts has closed their campuses thereby taking away the students' privelege of leaving school for lunch. So the students held a protest which was organized by the parents of a pair of students. The students had permission slips from their parents to walk out. The argument is that the parents should have the right decide what the kids are allowed to do for lunch. So these are probably the same parents who will sue the district if their kid gets killed in a car accident while out for lunch or if the kid gets arrested for the drinking and drugs he's doing while off campus. These kids say they have the right to eat whatever they want. Pack a lunch!

So here's where the schools cave. The superintendant in Washington said the principal should not have showed the tape to the parents and that he doesn't want to have a Big Brother atmosphere. The superindentant in Arizona issued a letter asking the parents to encourage the kids to go to their respective gyms to discuss their objections with the administrators. He should have told them they would be suspended if they left campus. Where are the balls on these guys?

I Don't Get Second Life

So I've read a couple articles lately about Second Life and I just don't get it. I think that's probably the first key there is that I read about it and don't do it;I'm not going to do it. Also, I've never been into the chat room phenomenon and I guess this was the logical step from there. I can understand that aspect. What I can't understand is that people spend real money to buy virtual real estate and clothes and just stuff, virtual stuff. In Second Life, one way people spend and make money is by buying land and constructing buildings and then selling the land. All the land is virtual, but the money is real. Businesses are making virtual presences in Second Life as well to catch the techies in their favorite environment. Even politicians are getting in there to pump up their following (sheep). How did this happen?

The other part of Second Life that I don't understand is that people have built churches and actually conduct religious services. One participant said that he didn't have much of a religious presence in the community in which he lived. He enjoyed gathering with others from his religion online. But here's the thing, in virtual reality, you don't know who people are at all. You don't know what they really look like, you can't read their body language to see if they are just fool of bullshit. To share in a so-called spiritual experience when the person sitting next to you in church as an old lady could be some dude that likes to go around and mess with people.

Such is the nature of virtual anything, so I guess that's what I can't get my head around. One of the authors of the articles I read tested out Second Life for his editor. The funny thing was that he got so wrapped up in the being online, that he lost his real-life girlfriend; but was still excited about some "girls" he had met in Second Life.

So they say that this will be the next big leap for the internet. Since real-life businesses are on board, that usually indicates that a lot of money will be pumped into something and it will be huge. But I'm not all about the social hookups and spending my money to buy virtual things and essentially living my life on the internet. I already probably spend too much money on things I don't need that actually exist and if I want to meet someone from across the world, maybe I should go to their country...I suppose I'll be one of those old goofs who will never catch on to that, what do you call it, interwebemail, those dang computers thing.

Peeps!!!

So I saw some Peeps in Target last week and I had to send them to my sister. Peeps just seem to occupy that strange spot in the space-time continuum of being both nostalgic and current all at the same time. What I hadn't seen before though are the little plush Peeps Bunnies. They remind me of the Bunnies in the Bunny Suicides, so I kept a couple here and sent the other two along with the regular Peeps to my sister.

OK, so I had moved on from all my Peeps fun until this morning when I was looking on Saveur to check on my subscription. There on the homepage of the website is an article on Easter treats with a picture of Peeps! So I read the article and then Googled Peeps. A lot of people do a lot of weird things with their Peeps. On this one website, this guys takes himself wayyyy too seriously with his Peeps art. He's protected the images so that you can't even copy them to your computer.

But one of the stangest is this website detailing surgical separation of Peeps. The concept doesn't seem so disconcerting to me, but the fact that it seemed to be done in an actual medical/dental office does. To think that the people doing this could also be the same people who need to drill into your teeth and stitch up your head is a little unnerving especially when you already fear doctors as much as I do!

I'm a Possession?

So I'm reading the newspaper the other day and come across an article titled, "Hinckley offers guidance: Church leader defends faith." I see that it's an article about the Mormon church, as Hinckley is the current president. So I thought it was possibly about some new Mormon scandal in which the church has to defend itself, which intrigues me greatly. But it was just about some biannual conference that they have where their top leaders speak. Within the first couple paragraphs, there is a quote from Hinckley stating, "Husbands, love and treasure your wives. They are you most precious possessions." Possessions??!!! I reread the sentence to make sure I hadn't skipped something. There it was: wives are possessions. What the hell? I knew the Mormons were wacky, but I didn't think that they actually would say something like that out loud. How can we condemn other countries and religions for the way they treat women when the one religion born in America still calls its wives possessions? And how can women allow themselves to be called possessions? The Mormon church vehemently disowns the fundamentalist polygamists, but where do they think those polygamist men got the idea to treat women as something to collect? Possessions, puh-lease?

No More Pussy

So I read this article in the Wall Street Journal, Triumph of the Fembots. First of all I must say that I was entirely surprised to find this article on the web and to find that WSJ posts its Opinion articles for free. The WSJ doesn't give anything away (try to click on one of the headlines; they're such a tease)! They have a few articles that they will allow you to read online for free each day, they aren't necessarily articles from the current issue, just free content. Also, the free stuff is a very small percentage of the paper. In order to get the full access to the website, you have to pay $80 per year.

OK, let me get onto the article. I loved it. Basically it makes a mockery out of the mocking of the Miss USA pageant by feminist groups. It's almost a historical legacy of which they can't let go. Apparently, NOW still urges women on an annual basis to stage "real woman" beauty pageants to make social and political statements. While shows such as the Victoria Secrets lingerie show exhibit much more titillating flesh, they are not held with as much disdain as beauty pageants. They should move on to the next generation of events and shows that pit woman against each other. No one can deny that the Pussycat Dolls show is humiliating and degrading to women (I've only watched 5 minutes of it, really, the commercials are bad enough). Even though the show is run by a woman and she thinks they are all empowered by using their own sexuality, how can shaking your barely covered ass for men be empowering? There is a big difference between taking control of your sexuality and using your sexuality to turn guys on in order to make money. If a woman wants to do it, that's fine because women should make their own choices in life; but don't call it empowering, call it what it is: prostitution.

Easy Way Out

I'm feeling kinda blah lately. So Michael showed this to me to make me laugh. This is an actual business in Fountain Hills, AZ. Just look at the dog's pose! And they made an uproar here about Pink Taco opening in downtown Scottsdale.

I Love Little Girls

OK, so these are grown women who dance for some indoor football league. I have no problem with this picture. I DO have a problem with what I saw this weekend at the Hilton Walt Disney World (which is a whole different story; I was there for a wedding). This weekend I saw girls ranging in age from about 5 to 14 or so dressed in outfits a little more skimpy than the ones in the picture. Their skirts were shorter and the straps on their tops were clear so that they look invisible from a distance. They also were wearing an extraordinary amount of makeup. Now I know that the makeup is worn so that their expressions can be seen from far away. But the whole package seen up close at 9 AM presents a whole different image. Parents groups are always coming out against celebrities and the media for exposing their young children to bad role models and inappropriate behavior. So here are these little girls dressed up like whores parading around the lobby of my hotel. Hello, parents! If you're worried about your kids growing up too fast and being sexualized by the world around them at an early age, then don't dress them up in sexy outfits that have the words "Showtime" blazed across their undeveloped breasts and painted up like Vegas showgirls!

Clorox: Still Stuck in the Fifties

So I was on the treadmill and this commercial for Clorox came on. The commercial starts with a teenage boy putting a jelly handprint on the fridge, then a couple little girls make a huge mess baking, then a nasty dog shakes off buckets of mud onto the floor and finally, two little boys send a toy plane into their father's bowl of tomato soup, which splashes everywhere. Next, comes in the mom with groceries in hand and then the next shot is a woman's hand, with a wedding band clearly prominent, cleaning up.

What the hell? The whole frickin family creates a disaster zone and the mom cheerfully cleans it up!!!?? I'm supposing that the idea is that the target audience are those who do the shopping and we're assuming that women do most of the grocery shopping in the households of America (my dad was the grocery shopper in our house). However, how insulting is it to say to those people that they are just maids in their own home?

If I just came back from the store and my husband was sitting around while all the kids (that I don't actually have) made huge messes, there would definitely be some hell to pay and I certainly would not be cleaning up after all those lazy, inconsiderate asses!!

Sport Chalet = Cheap Bastards!

So I signed up for the Sport Chalet "Action Pass" the first time I went to the one here in Scottsdale. They told me I would get $10 back for every $250 that I spent at their stores. With no signup fee, I figured it was a no-brainer. So months have gone by and I know that between Michael and I we had spent $250. I was on the verge of calling (they have no online connection to the Action pass, as it's only available in certain stores) and then my $10, in the form of a Sport Chalet gift card, showed up in the mail. I was excited until I saw that the card expires on May 31, 2007!! I just got the card last week! They are soooo generous to give me 2 months to use my card!!!

Cheap Bastards!!!!!!!!

Don't Play with Sharp Knives

So I sent our kitchen knives out to be sharpened by a this company, Holley Manufacturing, that I heard of on NPR's Splendid Table. You go online and tell them how many knives you want sharpened and they send you a box and knife guards. They send your knives back in about a week. Our knives came back sharper than new!!!!!!!!! They are amazing. My 10" chefs knife cuts through a tomato like soft butter. I've even already cut myself, luckily no blood was drawn as the cut is across my fingernail. But who cares!!?? These babies are fantastic. We'll see how long they keep the edge.

The knives I sent were mostly Globals and the Holley website has all sorts of information on caring for your knives.

Highly Recommended!

I Always Wanted to be an OLSEN TWIN!

So Little Kenny posted this celebrity face recognition website that tells you what celebs you look like. I had to try it. I got a pretty good round of celebs, except for the Backstreet Boy and Shigeru Miyamoto (he created Super Mario Bros, didn't know who he was til I Googled him). Since I think that I made out pretty good, I thought that I'd try a less attractive photo. In the one below, I had been drinking a bit and playing hearts. That combination usually led to me not showing my finest qualities. I got a couple good ones, but FDR and Ariel Sharon; man, I didn't expect it to be that bad!

Fool for Skis

So I've tried skiing now for the second time and really like it. However, there was this total jerk running the bunny slope chair lift. He wasn't helping the newbies and half the time he wasn't paying any attention at all to the people getting on the lift. My buddy Amy dropped her pole and she unintentionally jumped off to get it and he didn't even stop the lift! And then when she came back around, he didn't even tell her that he had sent it up to the top. What an idiot!

Crazy Toilet

So I'm listening to the radio this morning and the DJ is talking about some toilet that you can win from Roto Rooter. It has a TV, X-box, leg weights, fax, laptop... the list goes on and on. The discussion on the radio turned to why guys like to spend so much time on the toilet. I don't really care to know why sitting on the toilet crapping and reading is enjoyable. What I think is intriguing, though, is the thought of some guy using all these things while he's in the bathroom. Most guys' bathrooms that I've seen are pretty gross and the only thing they have to clean in there is a toilet and sink. I can't imagine how disgusting all this various equipment would get! OK, I know that this is just a marketing gimmick. However, there are guys out there who would realistically add at least one of these components to their toilet now knowing that it's possible to do it!

You Could Be Ugly in the 80's

So I was super sick last week and had some time to kill. I watched a bunch of 80's videos on VH1 Classic. After about an hour, I realized that for all the bad fashion and silly music, the 80's pop scene had one redeeming value that we have lost today. You could be UGLY and still have a hit!

Take Animotion for example. Behind all the big hair and makeup, this band is UGLY. But no one cared. Give them some hairspray and eyeliner and all is forgiven. Sometimes, you didn't even need big hair. Look at Phil Collins. Great 80's music from a balding guy that has always looked about 10 years older than he is. I think we should bring that idea back.

UGLY POP STARS UNITE!

What, No Fast Lane?

So I was just driving on the freeway here in Arizona. Arizona drivers DO NOT adhere to the concept of the "fast lane". I realized this soon after moving here, but thought that it would get better for some reason. How can we have 3 lanes of traffic in the same direction and not have a fast lane? Trucks drive in whatever lane they please and you can find many people in the traditional fast lane driving the same speed or slower than those in the slow lane.
In fact, I read some native's comment in the local paper that shows that people in Arizona know of the fast lane concept, but choose not to use it. This person said something to this effect, "all you out of state drivers should stop speeding and trying to get ahead. You can't get ahead on a 3-lane road." What's that about? The 3-lane is the perfect fast lane freeway: slow lane, speed-limit lane and fast lane. A whole state of FOOLS!

I Was Right

I love it when I'm right. Mythbusters backed me up in an ongoing argument that I've had with Michael for years! The myth is that if you leave a light on for a few minutes, it's more energy efficient than turning it off and then on again. Michael used this myth all the time to defend himself when I would get on him about not turning off the lights. Well, in episode 69 of Mythbusters they proved me right. HA! It barely takes any energy at all to turn on a light and therefore, you save energy by turning lights off and on as you need them. I think some guy made up that myth in the first place to shut his wife up because it really doesn't make sense anyway.

Damn Pull Tabs

So why did Progresso have to change their regular can to a pull tab? They say to make it more convenient. BULLSHIT! Everytime I use one (like just now), soup goes splattering all over the counter.

I HATE pulltabs!!!!!!

Banning Celebrities

So I'm doing laundry and watching Good Morning America. They have a new series called, "Cool to Be Green" or something like that. The segment is about ways to remodel your home to be more energy efficient and better for the environment. It had some good ideas, ones that I have already heard. But clearly the majority of us aren't doing these things; otherwise we wouldn't have to be told repeatedly about what we can do to use less energy.

So what does this have to do with celebrities? My point is exactly that. After the segment is over the host goes on to ask, "what are the celebrities doing?" Celebrities will be featured in future segments showing how they go green. Who cares? Why can't we just get the information without it having to be sanctioned by celebrities?!

I understand the use of celebrities in selling burgers, soda or skin care products, but do we have to have their stamps of approval on everything in order to make it valid? Are we so dumb that we won't pay attention to a cause without celebrity endorsement? I am as much at fault as anyone. I try really hard not to pay attention, but I get caught up in their stories. I try to justify it to myself that I'm laughing at them, not with them; but I'm still keeping up with their lives.

Well, starting today, I'm going to try for the 1000th time to not pay attention to the "personal" lives of celebrities. It's just so hard, because they do such stupid things.

What's with San Francisco?

So I'm reading this article in the NY Times, titled, "San Franciscans Hurl Their Rage at Parking Patrol." As a coincidence, the subject of how the people of San Francisco aren't particularly nice had come up in conversation recently with Michael. The article talks about citizens attacking parking control officers because the parking situation in San Francisco is so terrible. Apparently, these officers say they try not to stray too far from their vehicles or wear their uniforms to lunch because at the very least they will be verbally attacked even when not actually ticketing someone. The more appalling part of the article however, is how the people of San Francisco have defended their position of poorly planned parking.

First:

“Any city that is worth visiting is going to have a terrible parking problem,” ... “If you don’t want it to be Disneyland or Houston, you’re going to be experiencing a parking shortage.”
What's wrong with Houston? Am I missing something? I mean, I'm not a huge Texas fan, but is there something terrible about planning out a city so people don't kill each other over parking spots?

Then comparing themselves to New York:

“It’s too dense for people to drive easily and not dense enough for really great public transit,” ... “So the result is frustration.”

I'm from California. We love our cars and hate public transportation. So I'm sure, with enough research and planning the great city of San Francisco could have the most wonderful public transportation system and people would still want to drive their cars everywhere.

And finally they take their dig at a bunch of other cities:

"chronic lack of parking here was a result of a decision to encourage a bustling downtown free of atmosphere-killing parking lots, a phenomenon echoed in other parking-challenged — and popular — cities like Boston, Chicago and New York."
"Whenever someone from San Francisco calls to whine about the fact there’s no parking,” he said, “I always say, ‘Well, you have to choose, do you want to be more like San Francisco or more like L.A.?’ And that usually ends the conversation.”

OK, so LA is quite the urban sprawl and not always pretty, but what's with all the bashing of other major cities in the U.S.? Also, the quote was from some professor at UCLA, but clearly he is under the San Francisco spell.

So here, in this article about parking issues lies the reasons that the people of San Francisco get bashed. They, along with other Bay Area residents, think they're better than every other U.S. citizen. Everyone has their home pride, but they feel the need to ram that pride down everyone else's throats. Here they are all wonderful, peaceful and liberal and they're beating each other up over parking spaces.

Hmmmm....

I even had some guy tell me how terrible my home town of Huntington Beach was in comparison to his home of Sacramento. I had just met him. He asked me why I would ever move back. Hello, the Pacific Ocean at my feet! Idiot!

Christmas Keeps Coming!

So Michael and I drove back from California with a carload o' presents. But, much to my surprise, two packages arrived on our doorstep this morning!! One was a Smithfield Ham and the other was a case of one of Oregon's finest brews! Can life really get any better? I think not!

WhoooHooooo! 2007

Yay, it's 2007!!! My passport expires this year. Man, I remember when I got it back in 1997 and I thought, "2007, that's never going to come, I'm going to be so old." Those were the silly thoughts of a 23-year old. Thinking back to 1997 makes me excited for 2007. It was a year of big change and I was ready to conquer the world, or at least Seattle. I'm such a fool for 7's; it's one of my favorite numbers. The year has barely started and now I'm getting all sappy.

Whatever, on with the FOOLS!