Manatees Need Love Too

OK, so I've been watching way too much TV over the last two days, as illustrated by my recents posts. It's what happens when Michael is out of town. Anyway, Conan O'Brien has put up this fabulous website, www.hornymanatee.com . That's it.

Power Ranger to the Rescue

So there is this story about a 4-year old kid, Stevie, who saved his family from robbers by dressing up as a Power Ranger and scaring the robbers away. These men are suspected of many robberies in the area and their strategy is to prey upon people with kids. Anyway, one of the robbers had the mom and a couple of kids held at gunpoint and then Stevie snuck back into his room to put on his costume. The family or the police don't know why this scared the robbers away, but it did.
So Stevie thinks that he actually "morphed" into a Power Ranger. He's 4, that's how kids are. But his stupid mother and The View have reinforced this delusion by having him appear as a guest on the show. They told him that he's a hero; they didn't correct his belief that he morphed into a TV character and he saved his family. And then they gave him a HUGE box of toys. So who's going to tell this kid that he's lucky he didn't get shot or that his family didn't get shot?
Idiots!

Media Whore Dave Navarro

So I was flipping around the tube and saw Dave Navarro on an old episode of Charmed. He's such a MEDIA WHORE! What with his whole fake TV marriage to Carmen Electra and then hosting that Rockstar show. What's with this guy? Can't he just live on the glory of Janes Addiction? I mean, who goes on TV shows to get publicity? No talent, nobodies, that's who.

On a Lighter Note

Making Fiends cut a deal with Nickelodeon! The creator Amy Winfrey been working with them for a while and they have some of her episodes available for download, but now her episodes for Season 3 will be a TV show.

YAY for Making Fiends!

If you've never seen it, the X-Mas Bonus episode was my introduction to Making Fiends and it's HILARIOUS!

Amy seemed very excited in her newsletter to announce the deal. Hopefully, Nickelodeon won't force her soften her dark sense of humor or they will have to answer to Vendetta!

Boys Will Be Girls

So Michael showed me this article about little kids who like to crossdress. And by kids, I mean specifically pre-adolescent boys. Girls haven't really been studied enough. Yet again, ladies, we take the back seat. Even in issues where the professionals want to do away with biological gender, women are still behind men. So then within the realm of gender indentification and "variance" as the professionals call it, we come to the idea of "gender-identity" rights. I don't really care if some kid wants to crossdress. But I do care that their families and teachers, supported by the psychiatric/psychological industry want to enact change in schools to accomodate this behavior. For example, one school is using gender-neutral language in its classes and the LA school district is asking its schools "to provide a locker room or changing area that corresponds to a student’s chosen gender." Also, on a bigger level, this issue came up recently in New York, where they've decided to let people alter the sex listed on their birth certificates. So you can go back as an adult male and say you were born as a little girl. That's going to be a great cover for people using false identities. You can change your birth certificate. So much for concerns about identity theft.

But I digress. My main distress is the accomodation of children who don't know what they want to be when they grow up. I don't care if some little boy feels like a girl. He is not a girl. Wanting to dress like a girl doesn't make you a girl. Clothes are cultural. Men wear dresses all over the world. Move to the Middle East or Africa or the South Pacific if your boy wants long hair and wants to wear a dress. Or move to Scotland. Men wear skirts there. My point is that boys could be wanting to wear little girls clothes for so many reasons. They could grow up to be crossdressing heteros, gay men or transgenders. They can be whatever they want. But why does everyone around them have to change to accomodate their confusion as children. Why can't a girl who knows she's a girl be identified with other girls and have privacy with other girls when she changes? You're telling me that you put a boy in the same locker room as a bunch of girls is not going to infringe on the girls' rights?

Where is the luxury to be making policies in schools about feelings? Shouldn't the LA School District be figuring out ways to cut down their class size, stop school violence and raise the bar academically for their students?

If we're going to do that, then let's go all the way. Let's get rid of separate bathrooms and locker rooms all together. We can evolve beyond needing any divisions. Everyone will respect each other's bodies and just get along swimmingly!

I don't even know what it means to "feel like a girl." Everyone is confused when they're children. A boy who is 5 years old hasn't even truly learned what makes him biologically different from a girl. Some girls don't want to put on dresses and have long hair. Some girls like to play with trucks and some girls like to play with dolls and some girls like to play with each other. So what kind of a girl do you feel like? The things that they use in this article are so superficial and cultural as to what it is to be a girl or a boy. If the stores switched all the "boy" clothes to pink, would that make them "girl" clothes? Why is pink for girls? It's just like any other color. Girls wear pants, boys can wear dresses. Clothes, hairstyles, and toys don't make a girl a girl. How about a vagina? Oh, you can get that with a sex change when you're older. Oh, yeah, it's that thing they call menstruation. Take it boys, you can have it. You can feel the experience of being a girl all you want! Oh, that doesn't just happen when you change your clothes or your hairstyle?

I'm all for being more open-minded and teaching kids that everything isn't black and white. But we should teach them about the diffences between boys and girls and teach them respect for each other before we cater to all their feelings and tear down the laws and physical walls that separate the genders.

I Want Bigger Boobs!

OK, I actually don't want bigger breasts. I don't think the girl in the picture does either, but those are what real ones look like. According to outside sources, mine are big enough. So because of that, apparently I don't have the right to oppose breast implants. BULLSHIT! Everyone has things about their bodies that don't like. I have these curves on my thighs that I hate and can't get rid of even with exercise. Fake breasts don't come with the hassles of real ones either. Real ones are not all perky and they don't stand up by themselves. Sometimes, when they're too big, women have to get them reduced because of the back troubles they cause. And it's hard to wear all those cute little spaghetti strap dresses and shirts without a bra, unless you want your boobs hanging down to your waist.

So why the sudden outrage on breast implants! I always have the outrage about breast implants and other purely aesthetic plastic surgery. But (and I'm about a week or two behind) silicone implants are back and everyone is throwing a party! Woohoo, they look and feel more natural and apparently they don't leak any more! So the prediction is that breast implants are going to get even more popular. More reason for every girl to go out and get some! So the FDA had to spend a bunch of time (and my money) studying these babies so that women who want bigger breasts can have ones that have a more natural look and feel. Guess what? Putting silicone in your body (or botulism in your face, for that matter) is not natural.

It's time for everyone to get over themselves and their bodies and put an end to this plastic surgery industry!

So, I think, even though I have decent-sized breasts, I CAN and WILL say that it's wrong to undergo major surgery just for your looks. I'm not just talking about breasts, but they're the most obvious change. It's also wrong to get a nose-job because it's a little crooked, or to get calf and pec implants, MEN! I'm not a man and I know that it's pure vanity. That's what allows me to comment on all these procedures.

No matter what excuses one uses (society, your partner, the opposite sex in general, your career, etc.), it all comes down to one thing in the end: VANITY!

Tax Dollars Going to Stupid Ceremonies

So I'm back from my Thanksgiving hiatus. I LOVE Thanksgiving! It is my favorite holiday. So I prepped all week for the feasting we did with Mr. & Mrs. Little Kenny. Mrs. Little Kenny was a big help in getting the meal completed and she sparked the conversation about the stupid pardoned turkeys. I had never paid attention to this tradition before and did not know that the President has pardoned turkeys every year since 1939.

What a waste of money! First, they make all the hubbub about the turkeys, pull them from the production line, do a press conference and then the turkeys fly First Class from Washington to LA to be in Disneyland's parade. After all this, they live the rest of their "natural" lives at Disneyland. How much does Disneyland charge the government for this honor, I wonder? They're not just doing it for the publicity; they're a bloodthirsty corporation. What's even the point of this tradition? We EAT turkey on Thanksgiving? Why would we let two of them live to hang out at Disneyland? Is that our little humane act on a day when millions of turkeys are eaten around the country? And then PETA wants even more humane treatment of the two spared turkeys, so that they can have more "mental stimulation". Do turkeys have a mind to stimulate? And PETA should just be happy that no one is eating those two turkeys!

Whatever, the whole issue seems stupid to me. Plus, it's a meaningless tradition. There's no conclusive evidence as to when and why this tradition even started. We should put a stop to it before next Thanksgiving. I'm going to start looking into how I can do that.


We pardoned a turkey by eating a cow and it was delicious!

Now Michael REALLY Loves Me

I MADE CHEESE!! I'm so excited. I just finished my first cheese today. It's a soft herb goat milk cheese. It looks like cheese, smells like cheese and it even tastes like cheese. Wow, I just can't believe the it worked! I can't wait to eat it!

Poor Bambi

So I'm listening to the Adam Corolla Show this morning and hear a story about a 20-year old guy that had sex with a dead deer he found on the side of the road. Since I usually don't listen to the show, I thought that it was a joke story. NO JOKE!

It gets better. The guy's lawyer is trying to get him off (I had to) by saying that the law prohibits sex with an animal and this guy had sex with a carcass. I love this lawyer. Way to think outside of the box! And then the story gets better. This guy has a prior conviction of shooting his horse in order to have sex with it! SICK!

Is it really that hard to get laid? Is having sex with a smelly, dead animal really that much better than going without?

Oh, I'd hate to be this guy's sister or parent. Or his ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, assuming he's ever had one. How do you ever explain that?

Crazy Underwear

So I'm flipping through a magazine and come across an add for Onederwear. It's DISPOSABLE UNDERWEAR! At first, I thought, "why do you want to throw away your underwear?" Like I'm soooo busy that I don't have time to wash my underwear. What about the rest of my dirty clothes? Should I just throw those away too?
So I dove into their website and they do have some legitimate uses... such as when you go to a spa or if you're backpacking through Europe. Or what if you get in an accident and they have to rip your clothes apart? You can worry about dying and not about the doctors tearing your expensive Victoria Secrets! HA!
So, I'm still wondering why is my underwear getting soooo dirty that I don't want to put it with my other dirty clothes when I'm traveling or camping or all their other "usage" ideas. It's not like my underwear is huge and takes up a bunch of room. I don't know, but I'm going to try them out and everyone is getting a package for Christmas!

Meep Meep!

So not all of the new wildlife I've encountered since I've moved to Arizona has been scary. I had a roadrunner in my backyard! It was very exciting for me, much better than the dead rabbit in my front yard.

Damn Political Signs!

The thing that I HATE about election day... all the campaign signs left standing after election day. Who's going to take these down? When will they take them down? They've already been trashing up my streets for MONTHS! I hate them. They'll probably get left out and they will turn into litter on the side of the road.

Voting with Crazy People

Arizona has the longest ballot ever. But I like to be an informed voter, so I go online to read about the millions of propositions on the Arizona ballot. It's a pretty nice website and saves paper by not printing what would be a huge book to list all the proposed laws texts, the legal analysis and "for" and "against" arguments. Now it's this last part proves the most entertaining and irritating all at the same time. I was reading the arguments for Proposition 201 which is a smoking ban. I already decided to vote for it, but was reading the arguments to see if there were any compelling reasons to change my vote. Surprisingly, I found a reason under the "for" arguments. This crazy guy writes the following,

BAN, BABY, BAN! Attention Voters of Arizona: What right does anyone have to pollute my air and make me smell stinky? If I don't like something, I am going to do everything within my power to get rid of it. That's the power of a Government Ban. I don't like the smell from smoke, except smoked salmon cooking on my barbeque. I should not have to smell smoke and that's why I am all for a government ban. In fact, I think it should be illegal for people to smoke in their cars. We should have the government issue "DWS" tickets and make people pay huge fines. Publicity, and fighting for a person's right to smoke makes it harder for us who are trying to rid our society of other bad things such as alcohol, tobacco, and worse, caffeine, artificial sweeteners, and Hydrogenated oils. I think this is the appropriate step in our march towards a cleaner, healthier society. Next stop, we can start targeting the other vendors and citizens using things that are bad for us:
Caffeine
Fast Food
NutraSweet
America is made up of a bunch of addicted fatties. We need the government to step in and help us get back on the right track. Just like parents step in when their children are out of control, the government needs to slap America's hand out of the cookie jar. Anyone who smokes should be ashamed of themselves. Your days are numbered. It is time to destinkify the air we breathe. Join me in supporting a total Government Ban.
Bob Roberts, Scottsdale

So this guy is either insane or using satire to convince those reading the "for" arguments to vote against the proposition. It think he's crazy. I considered for just a moment changing my vote so that I didn't side with this crazy person! But then thought that either way, crazy man or satirist, this yahoo isn't going to change my vote. So I'm all for freedom of speech, but when it comes to official voting arguments, I think that the state should censor that freedom and not publish the rantings of a lunatic.

Hello, that's why we have blogs!

What's With Outrageously Expensive Jeans?

So I've need some new jeans for a while, but didn't want to go shopping for them because you have to try on a million pairs to get the right ones. I've always, as in since childhood, bought Levi's. In fact, until about 2 years ago I always bought men's Levis. I decided to branch out to get some cute jeans. So I go into a couple different stores that sell jeans. Now these are regular mall stores, not some shooshy boutiques. The jeans cost $158, $185, $250!!! What the hell? They don't even come in different lengths! I expected them to be lined in gold but they weren't. So tell me, how is it that denim pants can cost over $100? I already came to terms with the fact that they can cost over $50 when I bought my first girlie Levi's. But COME ON, they're just jeans!

The Not So Amazing Race

If you don't watch the show, don't bother reading this because it will bore you and make no sense; but you're a fool for not watching it.

So I finally caught up on 2 weeks of the Amazing Race. I usually LOVE this show, but this time it's keeping the weakest and stupidest (I'm sure that's not a word) players. I say "keeping" because at the end of Sunday night's episode, the couple from Kentucky who could possibly be the worst players ever came in last for the second time in 3 weeks. The first time, they were not eliminated and the Cho brothers and a super easy Fast Forward helped them get to first place. And then when I watched last night, they came in last again and again were NOT eliminated! What the hell?? These people are terrible. They can hardly do anything physical, they can hardly do anything mental and the show's producers want to keep them on for some reason. They're boring and stupid. They should be eliminated!

Sexy Sexy Vegas

So we went to Vegas for Halloween. And just like I thought, 90% of the women were in sexy costumes. I'd say only about 10% of those tried the squeeze-play. I was let down a bit though because the costumes lost their variety. Last year both girls and boys were dressed up in all sorts of fun and creative costumes with the sexy ones mixed in among them. This year with all the sexy costumes their were hardly any creative ones from the ladies. There were girls who came out in just their sexy underwear and some high heels! They didn't even put the effort into being a sexy cop, nurse or tool-girl. But it was still fun to see all the guys in our group become drooling fools as they were inundated with all the sex. They don't call it Sin City for nothin'!

Here are some pix.

Dirty, Dirty Halloween

So Michael and I were looking for a costume for him at the halloween store. We found that the men's section was about 1/3 in size to the ladies' section. I started looking at the girlie costumes to see what I could expect in Vegas this year. There did seem to be an overwhelming amount of sexy nurses, sexy cops, sexy witches, sexy cowgirl, sexy ghost, sexy [insert anything you want]. Even Playboy has put out some costumes this year. AND all the shoes were stripper shoes. So what went through my mind?

"Man, how many non-hotties are going to try to squeeze themselves into these costumes!"

That's not so much a worry in Vegas, because last year about 90% of the scantily-clad ladies I saw had stripper bodies. But at your average neighborhood party? This could get ugly.

Interestingly, the sociologists are concerned too (not about people looking ugly). They are concerned that women are vamping it up for the wrong reasons and that the sexy look is trickling down to little girl costumes. I think it is the safe night to hooch it up if you're normally not a hoochy, but I am concerned that we're going to get to the point of look sexy or don't dress up in costume. The costume store owners are saying they are just responding to their consumers.

As a disclaimer, I have tried to be a little sexy on Halloween and I have worn something that was a bit too tight. So I can't say that I don't understand the attraction of going a little hoochy on Halloween, but let's not get carried away. In the costume store, it felt like that if I didn't want to be sexy, then I would be stuck in the "Plug and Socket" costume with Michael. I'm just saying that I don't want to have to be a sexy paramedic or sexy referee or sexy Holly Hobby or sexy Tin Man (yeah, like Wizard of Oz) or sexy pirate or sexy jailbird or sexy confederate (well it's Daisy Duke, copyright issues, but still).

Life as a Vegetable?

A couple weeks ago, I caught the movie Lorenzo's Oil on tv. If you've never heard of it, the movie is about a boy, Lorenzo, who becomes stricken with a rare disease (ALD) that eats his brain and paralyzes his whole body. His parents along with scientists develop an oil that helps retard the progress of the disease. Before the oil is completed, Lorenzo can basically breathe by himself, often choking on his own saliva, and that's about it. Once his parents initiate the oil treatment he can breathe without choking. So the movie ends with Lorenzo being 12 years old and he can blink and move one finger in responses to "yes or no" questions.

Bad news: most boys with this disease only live about 2 years at most from onset.

Good news: with the development of Lorenzo's Oil, if given at the first sight of symptoms, the disease's progress is stopped and the boys can live a long normal life.

OK, so on with my beef about this poor guy.

This movie is based on a real family. So I decided to look online and see what happened to Lorenzo. He is 28 and can wiggle his fingers and blink in response to "yes and no" questions. That's it. They say, "He enjoys music and being read to." How do they know? They ask him this everyday?
So is this child abuse? Keeping a child alive because you as the parent, family or friend believe he wants to hold on to his meager life so that you don't have to let go.

I think it's great that by keeping him alive that they were able to develop this oil that helps out all the other boys with the disease. However, do they ever ask him, "Do you want to still be alive?" I know this debate came up with the whole Terry Schiavo fiasco. Why is it so important for us to live under any conditions possible? Why can't it be OK for a person to want to die? Do we all have to be heroic survivors of whatever life/biology hands us?

Who Hangs Off a Cliff??

So I've been meaning to post this series of pictures that I have of Michael hanging off of cliffs. It originated with Alex doing the pose on Half Dome in Yosemite, as illustrated above. Even Mrs. Little Kenny has gotten in on the act. On their Honeymoon! In Canada! Way to go Mrs. Little K! We've got to keep those Canadians guessing about us down here in the U.S.

Click Here to see them all!!.

Who's Allergic to a Potato??!!

My sister - that's who! So my sister Mary had recently become concerned that she had developed a food allergy. She went to the doctor to get tested and found out that she's mildly allergic to onions, chocolate (much to her dismay), grapes (wine - gone!), pure cane sugar (she's already diabetic so no big deal) and POTATOES! Her first reaction was, "No more french fries!" But then she remembered that she just ate some potato salad (which, no doubt, contained onions) the day before. Then I reminded her about mashed potatoes. The sad thing is that Mary is a relatively picky eater and potatoes are one of the foods that she actually enjoys. I mean who doesn't like potatoes in some form or another? Oh and I forgot to jab her with potato chips!

SUCKS TO BE MARY!

Rather Have a Retard

So when I recently moved to Arizona, I noticed that most of the baggers in the grocery stores were high school age kids. I thought to myself, "Good, no more retards." The grocery stores where I used to live hired mentally-challenged people as their baggers. They always said weird stuff or yelled or bagged my groceries badly and looked funny. I don't care that this is totally politically incorrect because that's how I felt.

So when I saw the high school kids working around here, I thought it was a good thing on two counts. First of all, they weren't slackers like the kids in my last neighborhood that were so bored and unproductive that they would vandalize with ketchup. How sad is that? They don't even use paint! Anyway, I digress. Secondly, I wouldn't have to respond to or ignore the retarded baggers anymore.

Then that all changed yesterday. Some kid was bagging my groceries which were mainly vegetables. He sees my ginger and says, "what the hell is this? some root!" OK, so that's not so weird. But then he sees my eggplant and says, "what is this, an eggplant. It's big. I want to smash it against the wall. Maybe I'll by one so I can throw it at someone." Meanwhile, the checker and another bagger were telling him to stop talking. What a total weirdo!

Spiders are Driving Hazards

So Michael saw this article about a guy crashing his car because a spider scared him. Why would this article interest me? Back in 2001 or 2002 when we lived in Portland, I was driving our new car when a small spider appeared on the door. I HATE, I mean HATE spiders. I rolled down the window, tried to knock it out with my purse (what I would have done if my purse flew out the window, I don't know) and ran into the curb. Fortunately, for me and the car, I was only driving about 30 mph and no one was around. We've got a scratch on the hub cap to remind me of how foolishly I behaved. I still haven't gotten over my fear of spiders (and not even close to getting over it!), but I've learned my lesson that car accidents are worse than spiders. Hopefully, the fool in Maine learned the same.

What a Jerk!

So I'm referring to this fool (I don't even care to know his name) that shot the Amish girls. So far, all we know is that he possibly did it to avenge something that happened 20 years ago and he may have intended to molest him. What kind of coward goes to kill a bunch of little girls and then kills himself? So now his family has to carry the burden of what he's done since he isn't here to be arrested and tried.

I repeat, what a jerk!

Oh, and I have more jerks to add to the heap of jerks in the world: the morning "news" shows. Yes, they rarely are anything but jerks; however, they really stepped up to the plate today. They're all so concerned as to how the Amish are going to cope with this tragedy without any help from the outside world of counselors. Oh, my gosh, how can someone survive the death of a loved one without counselors?? Why don't you ask that to the populations of the Middle East and southeast Asia? Yeah, the people whose thousands of deaths from all the wars and bombings going on around the world that you casually mention every morning between the wedding dresses and getting germs from cosmetics counters!

More jerks.

Hotels Just Can't Get Enough $$$

So Michael and I used some points and stayed at a pretty nice resort hotel over the weekend. The resort has tennis courts, golf, a gym and spa. I cannot complain about the level of service; there was serious pampering. However, people are spending at least $500 per night, so that service is expected. That brings me to my point (finally). So we stroll over to the the gym just to check it out. There is a $20 fee. One guy is working out, no surprise. Our purpose in getting the hotel was to go out to dinner and not worry about drinking and driving. So we go out to the lobby to get a taxi. Turns out they have a car service and it costs $18 to go about 5 minutes away. A little steep, but no big deal, until, we ask the restaurant to call us a taxi and they say they have a complimentary car for us. We didn't even have to spend $500! Regardless, it was a great night's sleep at the hotel.

So the next morning, we decide to play tennis and walk over to the courts. We ask for a court and find out that it's going to cost us $20 per person. I can see if you're gonna play for hours, but we weren't. We paid anyway because we were there with rackets in hand and all jazzed to play.

I can see the hotel's point of view: people who can afford to stay here shouldn't care about a measly $20 here and there. My point: if a hotel is going to charge that much for a room, a couple of the amenities should be free. I figure with the revenue (both guests and public) from the golf course, the spa and the restaurants, they should allow hotel guests a free workout and some tennis. At least they didn't charge for self-parking; I REALLY HATE that!

Or, they should make you aware beforehand that fees will be charged so that you don't look like a schmuck when they tell you to your face and you want to say, "no, I don't want to pay that, I'll be leaving now."

I LOVE MR. T!

So Mr. T has a new show coming out where he goes and solves fools' problems. How cool would that be to have Mr. T show up at your door?? I used to love the A-Team when I was a kid I even had a matchbox version of the van! I think Mr. T is totally what this world needs right now. He's ditched the gold chains, he's straightforward and doesn't have any tolerance for FOOLS! Fools of the world better shape up.

Who takes pictures of airplane food?

So I was surfing around last night and came across this site that has THOUSANDS of pictures of airplane food. I'm thinking, what kind of resource is this to anyone? Am I going to really search the pictures for the airline that I'm considering and then base my decisions on how the food looks? NO. It cracks me up to think of these people taking pictures of their meals when they come out. Do the flight attendants ask why? Or do they just think that these people are sooooo excited to fly that they'll even take pictures of their food. There are actually pictures of drinks and peanuts!

The foreign airlines are fun because they have different packaging for American products and some of their food looks pretty good. Then I find out that Michael has come acrosss this site too, and he encourages me to browse around. It was addictive and I clicked around for about half an hour and I'll do it again! In fact, I couldn't help looking at it when I wrote this post. What is it about pictures of airplane food?

MTV's Old Fogeys

So I was flipping around the tube and stumbled across the re-broadcast of the MTV Video Music Awards. I must say that I haven't watched much MTV for the past couple years, so I was very surprised to see that Kurt Loder and John Norris were working the red carpet. These guys are 61 and 46, respectively!!! I mean even if you haven't watched MTV for 15 years, you would've seen these guys still looking too old for MTV. How can MTV still have these super old guys on their network?? Aren't people over 25 killed off the network Logan's Run style? What's even better is that John Norris is talking to 50 cent about some new album and he's trying to throw around all this "white-guy wanting to be a black guy" slang. It was hilarious. Old FOOLS!!!

Goofy Candidate Names

OK, so this is very childish of me, but I can't resist going to the lowest common denominator when I see the election signs as I drive around town. There are two female candidates that have really bad names as far as I'm concerned: Susan Fuchs and Stephanie Rimmer. I'll say no more.
Insert "Beavis & Butthead" snort here.

Walmart Sucks

Don't read this if you're from the Midwest.

OK, so it's no news that Walmart SUCKS, however, there are always so many new reasons to hate Walmart that I can't be satisfied with the general opinion that "Walmart Sucks." So Michael and I were on a hunt for virus software and a specific type of oil drain pan. After exhausting all the other options, we ended up at Walmart. That is usually how I end up at Walmart. I try to never ever go there. As we've just moved to Arizona, we've been running a lot of errands and checking out new places and I've seen some different groups of people. The range being from scantily clad plastic surgery wannabe hotties to opening weekend at Cabelas (one of the best places ever)!

Why is it when I go into Walmart, the people I see are the same people I see in every Walmart: dirty teens, very loud large ladies and guys on speed/crack? I know the prices are super cheap, but come on! There's gotta be a better place for these people to hang out besides Walmart, because they're always wandering around the store but not really buying anything.

Walmart people SUCK! Oh and Walmart didn't have what we wanted.

So It's Been Awhile

OK, so I don't know if anyone is reading this besides my two loyal fans, but I'm the fool this time for SERIOUSLY LAGGING. My only defense: I moved to Arizona and it's great. However, getting on the computer to post has not been a priority... that's like blasphemy!I'm back though, for those few who care. One of which being Michael because if I write a post about something, then I am much less likely to rant and rave to him about it.

Tennis, Anyone?

So I went and played tennis this morning with my friend Amy. We tried to go early to beat the
summer sunshine. We had to wait about 10 minutes or so and then got onto a court. The other court cleared out after we had been playing for awhile.

Then I see I guy come and snag the empty court, he's smoking and standing around. Then I see that there are a bunch of kids in the parking lot and what appears to be an instructor and the kids' mother and a bunch of balls. They are still getting all their gear out of the car as a couple gets to the court directly behind the smoking man. So as the mother finally approaches the court, the waiting couple ask her, "what the hell, we got here before you ready to play and you sent your husband to snag the court ahead of us." (Or something to that effect.)

The woman replies, with a British accent, "we need to get the children playing before it gets too hot."

The man of the waiting couple then says, "everybody here is trying to do that."

The snotty Brit then replies, "the children are more important," and shuts the gate.

The man yells, "I don't agree with that." Alas, he is outside the court waiting and she is inside getting her kids ready to play.

So, I don't have too much of a problem with the husband snagging the court. It's a bit candyass, but the courts are "first-come, first-serve". I DO have a problem with people thinking their children are more important than anyone else in the world. Those kids could probably survive running around in the heat better than the guy who was waiting, he was probably late 40's, early 50's. It's symptomatic of our whole society's focus on children needing to be coddled and soothed and nutured until they're 25 years old and expect the same coddling in the workplace. I can't wait to see our all the full-grown babies in few years!

Oh, and this ultra-concerned mother? Yep, she lit up a cigarette while the kids were warming up.

That's pretty healthy for them.

Sea Monkeys!!

I got so excited when I found out that Mono Lake (it's a huge lake outside of Yosemite) is FULL OF SEA MONKEYS!!! I ran into the lake like a little kid and scooped up a bunch.

I considered taking some home for my fish to munch on, but didn't have anything to put them in and also thought, what do you feed brine shrimp. Aren't they already the bottom of the food chain? (Alright, all you biologists out there, I don't need to hear about all the microscopic organisms, I'm making a joke.) 

Fool for Electricity

So the power just came back up in my neighborhood, since going out at 10:30, about 10 minutes ago. That's the time it took me to start my computer, turn the air conditioning on and get some cooling salad from the fridge and write this desperate post after checking email.

My gosh, I didn't realize how much of a slave I am to Thomas Edison and all the computer geeks who make my life possible until today...

(Why didn't I just go to the beach??? I already went to the beach yesterday and had my mind set on being on the computer today. I'm such a FOOL!!!)

I Think She's Retarded

So I went to Vons to get some fish. There was only one girl working the meat counter and about 3 people besides me waiting. So I went to get some other groceries and returned to find only 1 person in front of me. Now, this next thing she said to the other customer should have been my first cue to walk away. "I can't cut those, the guy who does that isn't here right now." However, I figured maybe she doesn't know how to cut steaks or something, but slicing off a piece of a big fish fillet is no big deal. So she finally gets to me and I ask her for 1/4 pound of salmon and 1/4 pound of halibut.

"OK, how much of the salmon do you want?"

I repeat myself and then wait while she cuts the fish behind the counter where I cannot see her. She comes back and tosses over a pound of salmon onto the scale and asks if that's good. I say, "No, I only want a 1/4 of a pound." So she disappears again and few more people come up to wait at the counter. She comes back again and this time the salmon weighs about half a pound.

"That's OK, right?"

I say fine and move onto the halibut. "Now I need 1/4 of a pound of halibut." She does her disappearing act and returns with way too much halibut, I don't need to see it on the scale. It's about a pound and a half.

"Is this OK?"

"No, I only need 1/4 of a pound."

She looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. She has two fillets on the scale and takes one off and asks if that's OK. The remaining fillet weighs about 2/3 of a pound. I can see I'm not getting anywhere, so I take the halibut.

Now, I'm not usually one to complain, but with all the people behind me, I decide to tell the manager working the register about her. "Your girl working the meat counter doesn't know what she's doing. She seems to have no concept of weights."

His reply, "Oh. I think she's retarded. Here comes the meat guy now."

No Parking at the Airport!

OK, so we just got back from a trip to North Carolina. The trip was great, the parking was terrible. We arrived at John Wayne Airport with plenty of time to park in the economy lot and get the shuttle over to the airport and still be at the counter over an hour early. As we turn left into the parking lot, we see cones in front of the entrance and a bunch of cars parked outside the gates. What the hell??? I figured that it filled up with other cheapskates like us, so we proceeded to the lots next to the terminal.

They are all full. They weren't just normally full as in we had to drive around for a while to fine a place. They were COMPLETELY FULL!! People had parked in all the red zones and anywhere they could leave their cars without getting them hit. So we asked the parking attendant if he had any ideas (keep in mind that there are no independent pay lots around this airport). All the guy could say was, "try the lot on Main [the economy lot]." We explained that it was blocked off by cones. He just kept repeating himself, "Main Street lot." IDIOT!!!

So that's when I got the brilliant idea of Michael parking at his office which is 10 minutes away adn getting of the people there to drive him back to the airport while I went in and checked our baggage since we already checked in online. That all worked smoothly. The guy was all too happy to leave work for a bit and we got through security on time. So are we the fools? We should have been doing this all time! Free parking. But now we're probably moving soon and won't be able to take advantage.

But, really, what the hell kind of airport RUNS OUT OF PARKING!!!???!!!

Time to Catch My Breath

So far in the month of May, I've been out of town for I'd say about 90% of the time. We went to Seattle for our anniversary and ate and drank until we burst. Then we went to Yosemite and then we went to Arizona for a little house hunting. Surprisingly, with all those travels, I didn't encounter any fools!

It was sunny in Seattle, so everyone was super friendly. In Yosemite, we were camping by a bunch of older RV people, but they were really cool and didn't mind the late night drinking and fire-jumping. In Arizona, I finally met our realtor face-to-face and he's wild and full of energy, but I think he'll bust some balls to get the deal done.

I don't know, but maybe May isn't the month for fools. I do have a weekend in LA coming up, however. There will surely be some foolish behaviour to witness.

I Going to Go Take a Soak... IN BEER!!!

You gotta love Europe! I've only been there once, but now I'm definitely be making plans to go back ASAP. I don't know of anywhere here that beckons you to soak in beer!!!

 

Adult Discrimination

So it seems like children can scream and be loud and make a total annoying scene and it's not problem. However, a cop pulls up, sees some people quietly drinking and having a good time and they need to be warned that they'll go to jail if he has to come out again.

OK, so it was a ranger in a state park, not a cop and he totally made us all fearful. But we just had a couple 12er's of beer sitting out, it was late afternoon and we were just setting up our tents. (Same thing happened with a ranger in Yosemite last year, but it was food and bears instead of beers and jail. The ranger got us all freaked out, but we literally left the bear locker open about 3 minutes! They must teach this fear-mongering in ranger 101)

Why do kids get to be loud and obnoxious all they want in the face of the law and if adults do the same, we go to jail?

Immigration!

So I haven't gotten riled up for a couple weeks here, but the May 1st boycott and marches scheduled in the name of immigrants' rights has done it. First off, I don't understand how laws proposed to limit ILLEGAL immgration affect LEGAL immigrants. Instead of clouding the real issues at hand, why not discuss a more practical solution than "just give everybody amnesty"? How does that solve anything for the future?

I do support finding a way to legalize illegal immigrants that are here now(whether it be through immediate citizenship or the guest-worker program). I am against punishing private charitable/religious organizations for helping illegal immigrants once they are here. At the same time, I also believe that the US does need to secure the Mexican border to stop the flow of illegal immigrants and to apply that same intensity to any other "holes" in the US border.

The protesters have turned these discussions into a fight for workers' rights and against racism. These issues are legimitate, but separate from illegal immigration. The majority of the protesters, at least according to the media, are "Latinos." I love that term. It lumps anyone with a background from a Spanish-dialect country into one group. Why aren't we seeing large amounts of people from other ethnic groups. They also come into the US illegally. I guess because some of the proposed laws were to build a wall along the Mexican border. So if the laws were targeted towards turning back people in cargo containers and on boats, then those other ethnic groups would be more vocal. Oh wait, people in cargo containers are already turned back to their countries when found. What does it say to the people who find the way to legally emigrate to the US if people who find a way to slip in are allowed to continue? That seems like discrimination to me.

Here are two thoughts I came across in all these debates that made sense to me:

If all the oppressed people in the world could walk/drive here, we probably wouldn't be focusing on the illegal immigrants from our southern countries.

and

These passionate protesters should use their numbers to try to create change in there own countries.

Now, I know that last statement sounds incredibly idealistic. But over the course of history, that is how things are changed. It does take decades. Just like the decades that people have spent illegally living and working here.

I just needed to voice my opinion, being a "Latina" and part of a family full of immigrants (legal).

Good Hummer, Bad Hummer

So there I am driving down the street and a bad Hummer goes by. For some reason over the past two weeks, I keep seeing more bad Hummers than usual. There must be a sale or something. Now, you ask, "What is a bad Hummer? Are there really any good Hummers?" Well, everyone has seen the bad Hummer as, pictured here:


Some dork (I'll call him "Bob") has purchased this big, pretty truck so he can impress his silly friends. Does Bob carry around the 15 people it can hold? No. Bob uses it to drive the dog around. Does Bob take it off road? No. Bob's silly wife uses it to go to the grocery store. The website Fuck You and Your H2 has a bunch more about bad Hummers.

Now, being a fan of off-road machines (totally eclipsed by my husband's 4x4 fanaticism), I can appreciate owning a good Hummer. A good Hummer being one that barely sees the pavement and can do all sorts of fun stuff, like those below.

I don't even want to ask Phyllis and Darrel whether they consider theirs a good Hummer or bad Hummer. Guessing by the tires, it's probably good.

My point: Don't buy a Hummer if you're not going to use it off-road! And to the folks who build them... Don't sell Hummers to fools who won't take them off-road!

Wine Whores

So I went wine tasting yesterday in Temecula. My friend Dianna had come down to visit her friends in Temecula and invited me along. We had a good little group starting off with lunch and then going to 4 wineries. We tasted some good wines and some that weren't that great. But enough about the wine.

The people watching was actually the main attraction.

Falling out of stretch limos, Hummer limos, Escalade limos and party buses were the lovely ladies of Orange County. Apparently, although I thought I was in a casual beautiful hills of Temecula, I was actually out clubbing at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. There were bunches of women clad in little sparkly tank tops showing off their fake cleavage. I got to learn all about their lives as they had to yell over the crowds in the tasting rooms. I know this special breed of woman exists in other locales besides Orange County... but where did they come from?

You Must Respect My Authoritie!

OK, so Michael and I drove up to Lake Arrowhead last night in our Chevy Tahoe. Everything was going fine until we got to the chain inspection checkpoint. Now it must first be said that we saw the signs stating "possession of chains required," but did not heed the warnings. When we got to the checkpoint, the authorities were stopping everyone and Michael tried to talk his way out of needing chains to no avail. In fact, the jerky cop kept asking Michael specific questions to catch him in his lie, but Michael stayed with his story all the way to the point of the cop telling us to turn around. So we drive miles back down and go to the Walmart at the bottom of the hill. They had a handwritten sign stating they were out of chains. We're hungry and pissed off and hung over, but we forged further down the freeway to the Sports Chalet. Saviors!!! They had plenty of chains and our size (our local Sports Chalet and Pep Boys did not). So we trek back up the mountain. It is now dark and a little snowy. We get back up to the checkpoint. The same asshole cop is standing there. But now that it's dark and driving conditions have dramatically worsened, he is waving on every passenger car and SUV alike, with or without tires.

Moral of the story, never challenge an asshole cop's AUTHORITIE!!!!

 

No, I Didn't Want to Know That You'd LOVE to Open a Dog Hotel

So I took the train to Van Nuys on Saturday to avoid having 2 cars at my sister's house this weekend. I haven't taken the train in California since I lived in Santa Barbara. I had fond memories and my headphones loaded with me as I boarded the train. It was pretty crowded, but I found a spot on the aisle. Unfortunately, two friends in the row in front of me just "found each other" and starting talking across the aisle. Being that they were forty-something blonds from the OC, I put on my headphones and blasted some music. I could still hear them talking, though their voices were muffled. At the Santa Ana stop, I saw the exasperated look on the man who was stuck by the window next to one of the women and was so happy I had my headphones. However, I did remove them to hear the conductor announce our impending arrival at Union Station. They were talking so loud that the overhead speaker which was pretty clear (not your airplane variety) was hard to hear. In fact, I heard no one else on the train talking, so there was no reason that they had to be yelling to the point that everyone on the train north now knows that Mitzy has a dream of opening a dog hotel one day, but right now she is too busy to have any pets!
Idiots.

I Despise the Theatre

So last night, Michael and I went to see Match Point. I totally recommend the movie. Usually, I would not go to a movie on a Saturday night at primetime due to the fools who make the movie theater into an intolerable space by using it as a platform to project their opinions of said movie. However, I was trying to avoid falling asleep before 10 pm. I will fall asleep with the greatest of ease at home on my couch; it is a narcoleptic death trap!

Anyway, the experience of going to a movie theater on a Saturday night sustained all my past fears. First, there are the talkers. We had a non-stop conversation going on across the aisle to our right. Why would you pay $10 to see a movie and then talk the whole time? Idiots! Then behind us there was a woman whose only reaction to the screen was "oh shit." The best part of seeing this particular movie in the theater was the laughter during the sexual scenes. These scenes were pretty sensual and not comic as far as I could tell (although, that isn't always the case in Woody Allen movies). So now I'm back to only seeing movies in the theater during the week when most people are at work or in school. Thank you Fools for ruining my movie!

Ethel Merman Goes Postal

So I went to the post office today to mail a large envelope. I had hoped to use the machine to do so, but it was being repaired. As I sauntered over to the "take-a-number" dispenser, this old pushy lady runs in front of me and grabs the next number shouting that she's in a hurry. Next, she burst into song stage-musical style for us patrons and the postal employees. We got two songs before her number came up. Now I know why postal employees go on those shooting rampages!

Wimpy Underworld Vampires

So we watched Underworld at home last night. I figured it would be a fun rental since I like vampire movies. However, the group of vampires in this movie were candy asses. They practically had no vampire strengths along with none of the typical weaknesses, which make vampire movies fun. As they fight werewolves in the movie, the only way the vampires seem to be capable of defending themselves is by using guns and jumping down from tall buildings. There is only one old vampire that actually has superhuman strength. And the whole movie took place at night. How convenient for these weak vampires. I watched the short "making of" feature to find out why they were so lame and the director said he wanted to make an action movie and not the typical horror movie. Idiot! The vampires might as well have been humans on trampolines with big teeth. Give your vampires some backbone... it was embarrassing.

Dumb Brunette Morissette

So I'm watching the Tonight Show last night and they've got some old Stevie Nicks look-a-like singing in a cocktail dress. Hold on! It's Alanis Morissette! Now usually I don't care what celebrities do with their hair. But the brunette big hair pop-star, turned angry-scorn girl, turned thankful woman going blonde! And not the kind of fun blonde that screams "I'm a rock star, so I bleached my hair, screw you." But it's like Clairol #53, "I'm not a brunette, I want to pass as a blonde conservative woman." What the hell? I guess she won't be giving head in movie theaters anymore. 

I Don't Talk to Strangers!

So Michael and I went out for coffee and to work on his budget. We had to leave the house because we're selling it and someone was coming to look at it. The library has a nifty coffee spot that we hadn't been to before. We settled into a nice lonely corner on a comfy couch after ordering our coffees. Not more than 5 minutes after I took my first sip, this girl and her daughter sit down at the couch across from us. (I say "girl" because she looks about 16) The girl proceeds to take out painting tubes for her daughter to use. It's the little girl's first time using these and they seem to be having quite a bit of trouble. Then, who I guess to be the little girl's father comes in and sits on the chair next to our couch. There was plenty of room on the couch with the mom and child. Next he sees that we have our computer open and asks if there is wi-fi available. Michael says yes. Then there are more problems with the paint and the little girl. Then the father debates whether he should get his laptop in the car. He goes and gets it and then he can't connect and asks us if we're still connected.
"Yes we are."
"How many bars?"
"Fully connected, no problems."

Then he asks if he can take the side table that Michael has his coffee on. Yes, just to keep you from talking to us anymore. Then the mom complains that the paper they made their little painting on tore in half. Then the father is ass and says something snotty. Then the little girl starts wailing. Then the father complains again about his wi-fi connection.

TIME TO EXIT!!!

There was a whole coffee cafe to use and they chose to surround us with their dysfunctional bullshit! The only benefit to all this is that the coffee place was training new staff and kept bringing us free samples!

Oregon, I'm Moving Back

So I've only lived in 3 states, but Oregon is my favorite in the union. It's got to be the number one state for having the least laws on personal freedoms EVER! Check this out: Supreme Court Upholds Oregon Assisted Suicide Law

Capital Punishment...Why Not?

First off, I'm against capital punishment. This 76 year old prisoner was "blind and mostly deaf, suffered from diabetes and had a nearly fatal heart attack in September only to be revived and returned to death row, [and] was assisted into the death chamber by four large correctional officers and lifted out of his wheelchair." His lawyer appealed his execution saying that it was cruel and unusual punishment to kill a man at the prisoner's age. Again, I am against capital punishment. However, I would be begging for them to kill me if I was 76, blind, mostly deaf, diabetic and in a wheelchair on death row! I think the state did him a favor.

Happy Birthday Ken!!!

Hey it's Little Kenny's birthday and he's stepped onto the threshold of being in his mid-thirties. I was going to put a highly embarrassing picture of Ken to really make him feel great on his birthday. But then, a thought hit... he can do the same to me and doesn't have to wait until it's my birthday! So fear has won out... have a good one Ken!

Baby New Year!

So it's been forever since I've really sat down at the computer. I blame the holidays. The good news is that my sister had her baby on New Year's Day! I usually don't like to write about personal stuff, but this is too big for me to contain myself. He's her second and he's cute and healthy. Now it's time to go help with the little pooper; however, I don't change diapers, so I'll be doing more holding and non-toxic things like that. Happy New Year!